“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”
– Brene Brown

Authenticity

Authenticity is one of those topics that is easy to comprehend, but hard to practice. We all want to be true to ourselves and not hide behind some mask. There are social norms to uphold, expectations to fill, fears of judgment and criticism that leaves us scurrying from one masked identity to another like a squirrel in a forest.

Authenticity requires us to be our true selves, express our true words, and feel our true feelings. But what is that ‘true’ piece? That ‘true’ part of you is this inner knowing that everything has been laid out and nothing is held back. You will feel it. Along with authenticity, comes along a feeling of inner peace, because you have connected to the ‘truest’ part of you.

Some question the value of authenticity especially in the arena of interpersonal conflict. Does being authentic mean we can say or do whatever we want because that is just how we feel? Does authenticity justify judgment or criticism of another?

Being authentic means that one is true to oneself. It doesn’t have anything to do with another human being. It is being able to live in a way that aligns with one’s inherent values. If I value honesty, then saying untruths, or partial truths would feel non-authentic to me. If I value taking responsibility for mishaps, then blaming others for my mishaps would not feel authentic to me.

The balance (and the tricky part) is being able to reveal one’s authentic nature without stepping into the energy domain of another through blame, shame, or criticizing another. It is the balance of authentic self-expression while giving the respectful space to another person for their self-expression of authenticity.

Authenticity requires one to recognize one’s own ego. The ego hides our authenticity. By ego, I don’t mean being egotistic or self-centered. Rather, ego means our own inner thoughts in our mind that we are not this or not that. Our ego suggests that we are not perfect in our own imperfect way. We need to quiet down our ego mind. Without the ego taking centre stage, we move towards self-acceptance, self-compassion, self-love, and feeling that we are just being enough as we are.

Sharing with you my own experience:

Authenticity has not always been easy for me. I always valued politeness, kindness, and keeping others happy growing up. Carrying on this way into adulthood resulted in holding back my own truth, holding back my own feelings, and holding back my own words. There was always this sense of holding back. I knew it and I could feel it. It wasn’t until coaching made me aware of the health risks of not living authentically. Holding back my own authentic truth resulted in stuck energy which led to body symptoms. I took on other people’s blame, other people’s version of their truth as my truth, and other people’s well-intentioned expectations. I would say ‘yes’ to everyone, even though inside, I knew I didn’t want to say ‘yes’. All of it stemmed from my childhood of being happy if others were happy, as if my own happiness stemmed from an external source. I had it backwards.

In my adult years, I discovered that by saying my own truth without making someone else’s truth wrong, doing my own thing without needing others to do it too, or following my own path based on my own choosing, I created an inner happiness that projected outwards to make others happy. My happiness was not a RESULT of others being happy but a REASON for others being happy. By living true to myself, I discovered many more dimensions of who I am that were unknown and unexplored. Time and life experiences became my classroom to learn of more authentic aspects of myself. Being more authentic required me to step into the discomfort of voicing my own opinions while respecting the space for someone else to voice theirs so I could empathize where the open person was coming from. Being more authentic allowed others to get a clearer idea of who I am, what I stood for, what I care about and what I value.

Turning it over to you:

If you were given the space to be truly YOU, how would you show up?

What holds you back from your most authentic being?

What would authenticity release for you?

How can you step into your most authentic self?

Tips and tools to hopefully help you:

1. Notice any feeling of holding back – that becomes your clue to step forward into your authentic self.
2. Feel the discomfort and lean into it.
3. Imagine an imaginary line between you and another. Express your authentic truth up the line and give space for the other to also express. Honour their space and yours.
4. Thank the other person for telling you their truth and acknowledge that you have heard them with an empathetic ear.
5. Just as you have given the other a non-judgmental space to speak, ask for the same in return before you speak.
6. Honour thyself in the same way you honour others.

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