“An empty lantern provides no light. Self-care is the fuel that allows your light to shine brightly”
– Unknown

Self-Care

The concept of self care provokes different feelings. Some reflect on self-care as valuing oneself enough to care for our own needs, while others may see self-care as selfish or self-centered.

The philosophical idea of SELF is an interesting one. Is self a centre point in which all others revolve around? Is self a centre point amongst many other centre points? Stretching further your imagination- is the creation of self where the energy of yourself ends and one of the other begins? Where does that separation line exist?

Our idea or concept of self reflects on what we do about the care component of self-care? If we see self as self-centered or selfish, there is likely very little care happening for the self. If we see self as centre points of energy, then we will need to take care of this energy so that it suffices to care for others.

To discuss self-care in practical terms, it’s simply taking the time to care for our mental, physical and spiritual needs. Self-care can exist in many different ways. Self-care can be the number of hours we give our bodies to rest in sleep, or the nutrients we feed our physical body, or the allowance of exposure to joyful events in our lives, or time taken to focus on the needs that fill our soul. Self-care can be taking the time to connect with those important to us. Self-care can be our quiet moments or any special moments of meaning.

Self-care often falls by the wayside when children enter into our lives, or when work demands and responsibilities surmount. Time, or lack thereof in our minds, is the culprit that steals away our opportunity and need for self-care.

We all produce to-do lists on paper or in our minds. It is how human beings organize information and function. If we scan our daily to-do lists, what proportion of it is really self-care?

Sharing with you my own experience:

I became aware that I was not prioritizing my own needs enough in my early 40’s. As a health care provider, we are trained to care for others first. As a mother, we are conditioned to care for our children first. Self-care. Who has time for that? That was what I told myself. For years, I didn’t place a lot of emphasis or value in what I needed to thrive.

Mornings consisted of making sure my children were well fed first, and that their lunches were well stocked first. Whatever was left over from breakfast, I would munch in the car on the way to the hospital. Working in an Intensive Care Unit, there was no regular time that I created to feed myself lunch, if ever. Often I worked through my hunger pains, only to succumb to the vending machine mid-afternoon for my favourite Three Muskateers chocolate bar, or perogies from the cafeteria along with my red coloured JELLO. Driving home after a long day, was tough to keep my eyes open. Dinners consisted of whole plate sizes of pasta or some sort of carbohydrate because we were all starving by then. Protein was placed on top of the pasta, and the vegetable may just be the tomato sauce ie very negligible portion. I didn’t like vegetables, and would hardly ever eat them. After dinner, grogginess would set in, take a nap on the couch for ‘just an hour’, then wake up close to bedtime. It feels like another world now that I reflect back at all my poor lifestyle habits and choices.

Self-care did not enter my vocabulary until I started to have gut issues, blood pressure issues and migraine issues. I was falling apart, health wise.

Little by little, with a lot of teachings from various teachers, coaches, programs, audios, I began to learn to take care of myself in various ways. Self care took on the form of learning to cook whole foods, nutritional education, regular massages by my wonderful kind-hearted husband, mindfulness moments, soul searching experiences, listening to classical music, singing, dancing, drawing, biking, hiking – taking the time to care for my own mental, physical and spiritual needs. You would think that doing all these things would leave less time for my family. The opposite happened. I became the role model for my children where they began to also follow my example. I became more present and focused on listening and talking with them regularly. I became more knowledgeable about wellness and could impart my learnings to them.

If I had not made the choice to change the direction of my life, I would still remain hungry, tired, and unfocused. Now, with self-care habits that are embedded within me, my life has dramatically changed for the better. I eat frequently. I eat healthily. I eat balanced food choices. I find physical activities that I enjoy like yoga and biking. I have quiet time. I am no longer tired throughout the day, and instead have good amount of energy to take me through the day until bedtime. I have strong connections with my family and friends. A little bit of self care goes a LONG way!!

Turning it over to you:

What would self-care look like for you?

What shifts in mindset would you need to make to get around the obstacles to your own self-care?

How valuable are you? And how do you model that?

Tips and tools to hopefully help you:

MIND

• Look at your I AM statements daily.
• Focus on your strengths and be tender and kind to your challenges and limitations.
• Notice what you notice, and question it if the thought is bringing on stress.
• What is your perspective? What is their perspective? What is the overview perspective?
• What did you learn today?
• Who did you help today?
• What one step did you take today?
• What are you grateful for today?

BODY

• When you wake up, don’t look at other people’s lives first ie. social media.
• Address your own needs first
• For every hour that you sit, stand up and move for the last 5 minutes of the hour
• Drink warm lemon water
• Eat balanced proportions
• Don’t wait for hunger pains before giving yourself food

SOUL

• Do more of something that brings you a positive feeling.
• Carve out time for yourself.
• Set up times for meeting friends.
• Listen to music.
• Close your eyes and just listen to the world around you.
• Slow down and focus on the important things.
• Ask yourself what matters to you at the end of your life, and begin or continue to fill your life more with what it is that matters.

.