“Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make, makes you ”
– John C. Maxwell
Choices
Life has its ups and downs. It is not always a straight line. Life has its fair share of hardships. Life does not always go as planned. When life feels difficult, it can really knock us down and it can really drain our energy. At times like this, as difficult as it may seem, it is important to realize that life also has choices.
Choice is a conscious selection of a different thought than before. It is available to us if we choose it. Choosing thoughts is a privilege that we all possess. That is because we control what goes on in our mind, unless we give away that power to someone else.
Choice is not always a direct relationship to outcome. If we make a different choice, it does not ensure that we have a perfect outcome. It does ensure that we may have a different outcome. We cannot expect to travel along a different path if we don’t choose differently. Same thinking results in same result.
Have you heard yourself or someone else say out loud “But I don’t really have a choice?” Is that true? Is that really true? Or is that the story we tell ourselves until it becomes our mental reality? How would believing that we don’t have a choice help us in our life?
Living life with the belief that we have no choice keeps us living like a victim. Feeling victimized, it appears like things happen to us, that it is never our fault, and that we have no choice in the matter. If we want to live life feeling empowered, we need to give ourselves back that power of making choices. It is not so much about making the right choice as it is about making a different one.
Sharing with you my own experience:
Sharing an experience that I had to go through to learn this lesson about choice. My nature is one of peace and harmony so when two people in my life got into a conflict with one another, my natural tendency was to try to help them ‘fix’ their relationship by being the bridge communicator. In the end, the bridge fell down, and I felt partially blamed by the people I was trying to help. Initially, I was surprised, then hurt, then saddened. As I processed the emotions, my mindset told myself a story of how I was criticized unfairly. As long as the story played out in my head, the longer my feelings of hurt remained held inside. It wasn’t until I went through a coaching program that made me understand the power of my mind, the value of perspectives, the natural processing of authentic emotions, and the lesson of choice.
I could choose to remain fixed to my story of being victimized. But I would notice in that story, it did not leave me in a positive state of mind or emotion. OR, I could choose to find the lessons that came out of that life experience. I chose the latter. After examining and reflecting, I was able to see the tremendous value of the experience. It made me understand what my own values were. It made me see others more clearly. It taught me how to forgive the individual as they turned out to be one of my greatest teachers. It taught me to empathize and to be more compassionate. It gave me an opportunity to learn something about myself that I had not yet discovered.
It was making the choice to look at a situation differently. It was making the choice to be willing to take a second look. It was making the choice to see the positive. The situation never changed but my outlook did and that was only possible with choosing to think differently.
Turning it over to you:
What situation has rendered you feeling like you are powerless?
How does feeling powerless sit with you? Where do you feel it in your body?
How does feeling powerless help serve you in any way?
If you believe that you can make a different choice in thinking about a situation differently, what would open up for you?
Imagine that a different choice has already been made in the stuck situation, what is possible in that choice?
Tips and tools to hopefully help you:
- Whatever thought is currently keeping you stuck, challenge the thought to test if it is really true, or is it just the story you are telling yourself.
- Ask yourself “Is it really true?”
- “How can I be sure?”
- “Is it possible that the opposite is true?”
- Try one step in the opposite direction of what you hold true in your story and congratulate yourself for choosing a different step.
- Keep challenging your thought until you find a choice that makes you feel better.