“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
– Serenity Prayer

Serenity

Serenity is our inner state of being calm, peaceful, tranquil and untroubled. To be serene does not require us to be in a serene environment externally, even though it makes it easier to be serene internally. Serenity places us to be at peace with ourselves, with another, and with the world. Metaphorically, serenity is the oasis amidst the bustling city.

While we can never quiet the world down or make it more peaceful universally, it is of our own individual choosing to try to move towards that inner state ourselves. What does a serene person appear like? Are they quiet? Are they introverted? Are they solitary? They may hold those common characteristics but these characteristics are not a prerequisite to being more serene. But how do we do that in a society that also contains extroversion, noise, and chaos?

Much of our journey towards serenity is developing an awareness of what is in our mindset that leads us away from it. Are we aware that we are not serene? Are we aware that we don’t have a positive mindset towards ourselves, towards others, or towards life in general? Are we aware of everything that is currently in our lives that we feel grateful for? Are we aware of why we are blessed already? Are we aware, period? Serenity isn’t about doing less. It isn’t a state of doing. It is a state of becoming or a state of being. We can be very busy and still be serene inside. We can also be very non-busy and not be serene inside. So much of achieving a state of serenity involves our mindset and taking a real honest look and assessment of it. If we cannot be honest with ourselves, we cannot see ourselves in that authentic way. We can fool ourselves in our mind, but our body will not feel serene and at peace.

So, if we make a choice to become more serene, how do we do that? First, just take notice what troubles you or pulls you away from a calm state. Just noticing or becoming aware is a step towards serenity. Whatever you notice or become aware of, don’t judge it or put yourself down for it. Stay compassionate towards yourself. Often, we are reacting from a place of lack and it is figuring out what that source of lack is. Play detective towards your inner workings. Whatever our source of lack (lack of connection, lack of appreciation, lack of respect) points towards our deeper fears (fear of being alone, fear of loss, fear of unworthiness) which is really our brain’s way of protecting us from a place of danger even though these deeper fears are our psychological fears vs true safety fears.

Understanding our own psychology moves us towards a different path away from troubled towards tranquility. We know that our deepest psychological fears are unfounded. We know that our deepest fears are the source of our feelings of lack. We know that our feelings of lack underlie our state of feeling troubled. And if our deepest fears are unfounded, then every layer on top is also unfounded which creates the space to move towards abundance than lack.

Moving towards abundance requires us to become aware of what we can be grateful for. Simple things in our lives that we take for granted ie the lungs to breathe, the legs to walk, the ears to hear, eyes to see, the brain to think. We become more and more aware of the magical magnificence of what we are made of – the trillion cells that are perfectly orchestrated to exist in harmony and co-create systems to allow us to have our limited multi-sensorial human experience.

Moving towards abundance requires us to have a deep appreciation of what we already have in our lives at the present moment – a roof over our heads to protect us from the elements, a person in our life that we can share our life experiences with, clothing to keep us warm, food to provide the physical fuel to keep our cells working and not die, a world that provides us oxygen, and a awe-inspiring natural environment that takes our breath away.

Moving towards abundance moves us towards gratitude, appreciation, positivity, and belief. This state of being transcends unfounded fears, insecurities and negativity.

Moving towards abundance shifts us to a consciousness that we are at One with all. We co-exist with others around us, with the environment, with the natural and man-made elements. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. We are a divine being created from divinity.

At such a state, problems feel insignificant or come with a purpose to teach us something that we were unaware of before. At such a state, we accept and harmonize with all that is. At such a state, we are serene, peaceful, tranquil and untroubled. At such a state, we become I AM as one with all and at one with our divine creator.

Turning it over to you:

How would you describe your inner state of serenity?

What blocks you from feeling more serene more often?

What inner mind shift do you need to make to move towards having more serene moments without changing what is going on around you in life?

What does “you are a spiritual being having a human experience” mean to you right now?

What would serenity bring into your life?

Tips and tools to hopefully help you:

1. Write on a sticky memo note asking yourself what you are grateful for today. Place it on your bathroom mirror. Everyday that you look into the mirror, reflect on that simple question.
2. Look up at the clouds more often. They are usually present and available to you free of charge.
3. Close your eyes and notice all the sounds around you.
4. Make time for you to be with the serenity of nature.
5. At the beginning of the day, say a silent thank-you for being given the gift of another day to live. At the end of the day, say a silent thank-you for being given the gift of another day to experience.

“Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make, makes you ”
– John C. Maxwell

Choices

Life has its ups and downs. It is not always a straight line. Life has its fair share of hardships. Life does not always go as planned. When life feels difficult, it can really knock us down and it can really drain our energy. At times like this, as difficult as it may seem, it is important to realize that life also has choices.

Choice is a conscious selection of a different thought than before. It is available to us if we choose it. Choosing thoughts is a privilege that we all possess. That is because we control what goes on in our mind, unless we give away that power to someone else.

Choice is not always a direct relationship to outcome. If we make a different choice, it does not ensure that we have a perfect outcome. It does ensure that we may have a different outcome. We cannot expect to travel along a different path if we don’t choose differently. Same thinking results in same result.

Have you heard yourself or someone else say out loud “But I don’t really have a choice?” Is that true? Is that really true? Or is that the story we tell ourselves until it becomes our mental reality? How would believing that we don’t have a choice help us in our life?

Living life with the belief that we have no choice keeps us living like a victim. Feeling victimized, it appears like things happen to us, that it is never our fault, and that we have no choice in the matter. If we want to live life feeling empowered, we need to give ourselves back that power of making choices. It is not so much about making the right choice as it is about making a different one.

Sharing with you my own experience:

Sharing an experience that I had to go through to learn this lesson about choice. My nature is one of peace and harmony so when two people in my life got into a conflict with one another, my natural tendency was to try to help them ‘fix’ their relationship by being the bridge communicator. In the end, the bridge fell down, and I felt partially blamed by the people I was trying to help. Initially, I was surprised, then hurt, then saddened. As I processed the emotions, my mindset told myself a story of how I was criticized unfairly. As long as the story played out in my head, the longer my feelings of hurt remained held inside. It wasn’t until I went through a coaching program that made me understand the power of my mind, the value of perspectives, the natural processing of authentic emotions, and the lesson of choice.

I could choose to remain fixed to my story of being victimized. But I would notice in that story, it did not leave me in a positive state of mind or emotion. OR, I could choose to find the lessons that came out of that life experience. I chose the latter. After examining and reflecting, I was able to see the tremendous value of the experience. It made me understand what my own values were. It made me see others more clearly. It taught me how to forgive the individual as they turned out to be one of my greatest teachers. It taught me to empathize and to be more compassionate. It gave me an opportunity to learn something about myself that I had not yet discovered.

It was making the choice to look at a situation differently. It was making the choice to be willing to take a second look. It was making the choice to see the positive. The situation never changed but my outlook did and that was only possible with choosing to think differently.

Turning it over to you:

What situation has rendered you feeling like you are powerless?

How does feeling powerless sit with you? Where do you feel it in your body?

How does feeling powerless help serve you in any way?

If you believe that you can make a different choice in thinking about a situation differently, what would open up for you?

Imagine that a different choice has already been made in the stuck situation, what is possible in that choice?

Tips and tools to hopefully help you:

1. Whatever thought is currently keeping you stuck, challenge the thought to test if it is really true, or is it just the story you are telling yourself.
2. Ask yourself “Is it really true?”
3. “How can I be sure?”
4. “Is it possible that the opposite is true?”
5. Try one step in the opposite direction of what you hold true in your story and congratulate yourself for choosing a different step.
6. Keep challenging your thought until you find a choice that makes you feel better.