“Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make, makes you ”
– John C. Maxwell

Choices

Life has its ups and downs. It is not always a straight line. Life has its fair share of hardships. Life does not always go as planned. When life feels difficult, it can really knock us down and it can really drain our energy. At times like this, as difficult as it may seem, it is important to realize that life also has choices.

Choice is a conscious selection of a different thought than before. It is available to us if we choose it. Choosing thoughts is a privilege that we all possess. That is because we control what goes on in our mind, unless we give away that power to someone else.

Choice is not always a direct relationship to outcome. If we make a different choice, it does not ensure that we have a perfect outcome. It does ensure that we may have a different outcome. We cannot expect to travel along a different path if we don’t choose differently. Same thinking results in same result.

Have you heard yourself or someone else say out loud “But I don’t really have a choice?” Is that true? Is that really true? Or is that the story we tell ourselves until it becomes our mental reality? How would believing that we don’t have a choice help us in our life?

Living life with the belief that we have no choice keeps us living like a victim. Feeling victimized, it appears like things happen to us, that it is never our fault, and that we have no choice in the matter. If we want to live life feeling empowered, we need to give ourselves back that power of making choices. It is not so much about making the right choice as it is about making a different one.

Sharing with you my own experience:

Sharing an experience that I had to go through to learn this lesson about choice. My nature is one of peace and harmony so when two people in my life got into a conflict with one another, my natural tendency was to try to help them ‘fix’ their relationship by being the bridge communicator. In the end, the bridge fell down, and I felt partially blamed by the people I was trying to help. Initially, I was surprised, then hurt, then saddened. As I processed the emotions, my mindset told myself a story of how I was criticized unfairly. As long as the story played out in my head, the longer my feelings of hurt remained held inside. It wasn’t until I went through a coaching program that made me understand the power of my mind, the value of perspectives, the natural processing of authentic emotions, and the lesson of choice.

I could choose to remain fixed to my story of being victimized. But I would notice in that story, it did not leave me in a positive state of mind or emotion. OR, I could choose to find the lessons that came out of that life experience. I chose the latter. After examining and reflecting, I was able to see the tremendous value of the experience. It made me understand what my own values were. It made me see others more clearly. It taught me how to forgive the individual as they turned out to be one of my greatest teachers. It taught me to empathize and to be more compassionate. It gave me an opportunity to learn something about myself that I had not yet discovered.

It was making the choice to look at a situation differently. It was making the choice to be willing to take a second look. It was making the choice to see the positive. The situation never changed but my outlook did and that was only possible with choosing to think differently.

Turning it over to you:

What situation has rendered you feeling like you are powerless?

How does feeling powerless sit with you? Where do you feel it in your body?

How does feeling powerless help serve you in any way?

If you believe that you can make a different choice in thinking about a situation differently, what would open up for you?

Imagine that a different choice has already been made in the stuck situation, what is possible in that choice?

Tips and tools to hopefully help you:

1. Whatever thought is currently keeping you stuck, challenge the thought to test if it is really true, or is it just the story you are telling yourself.
2. Ask yourself “Is it really true?”
3. “How can I be sure?”
4. “Is it possible that the opposite is true?”
5. Try one step in the opposite direction of what you hold true in your story and congratulate yourself for choosing a different step.
6. Keep challenging your thought until you find a choice that makes you feel better.

“Fear has its use, but cowardice has none.”
– Mahatma Gandhi

Fear

This is such a BIG topic and so many people feel, think, and experience fear at some level or another.

Fear is built into our mental mindset. Where does it stem from? The brain has various areas that processes every sensory input and sends signals to the rest of the body in reaction.

Imagine an avocado. The outer green/black skin is the surface of the brain. Now, imagine cutting the avocado in half. The yellow/green creamy part is the cortex layer of the brain that processes various functions – analysis, hearing, smell, sight, touch, balance and others. The centre of the avocado is a pit. The pit in a brain is the central part or the limbic part of our brain. It is in this limbic part of our brain where memories – conscious (or what we are aware of), and unconscious (what we are not aware of) memories gets stored. These memories are triggered constantly from what we bring in through our daily experiences. The limbic part is responsible for our “fight or flight response” to keep us safe from danger. Whether the danger is real or psychological, the limbic part of our brain does not differentiate. Something in our current moment can trigger an emotional response because of how we responded in our past many many years ago that we may not even recall.

How do we know what fear feels like? Often, we feel it in our body. Our heartbeat maybe a little faster, our breathing a little more shallower, our chest feels a bit tighter, our hands are clammier – it is amazing how our body prepares us to “fight or flight” against a perceived threat in our mind.

What impact does fear have on us? It depends. It depends on whether we respond to fear by running away from the threat, or whether we stay paralyzed in our spot, or best, if we lean into fear. Leaning into fear requires us to recognize that there is something new, something unfamiliar, something uncertain beyond the circle of comfort. It is easy to stay in our circle of comfort, but then we miss out on an opportunity to experience, an opportunity to grow, an opportunity to expand our level of awareness. If we have one chance at this physical lifetime, would we want the most out of it? If the answer is yes, then we need to lean into fear and use fear as a signpost that it is the direction that we must walk towards. It will certainly feel uncomfortable, even anxiety provoking, but life’s richness is built on expanding our circle of comfort.

Sharing with you my own experience:

There have been many instances in my life that I have felt fear. It is truly an uncomfortable feeling, something that I want to avoid, a place where I want to run away in the opposite direction, and feelings of dread. And yet, there is a small part of me that keeps telling me that I must face my fear. I get all the body symptoms – shallow breathing, tight chest, faster heartbeat and clammy hands. In my head, I am running through all sorts of scenarios that have not even played out yet.

One such instance is going zip-lining with the family in Whistler. All my 3 children and even my husband wanted to go zip-lining. While the videos looked like fun, the thought of being so high off the ground scared me. What if the rope broke? What if I get stuck? What if I can’t stop? What if I want to back out? What if? What if? What if? My mind was going crazy with so many fear based thoughts, that my body was having a mini -panic attack! Nevertheless, I also didn’t want to lose out experiencing an incredible moment with my family. I didn’t want to be left on the ground missing out. So I had to talk my way into it. I had to lean into my fear. I recall as I walked off the zip line platform, I had to trust that some higher power would take care of me. And ……WHEE!!!!!

It was SO FUN!!!! I LOVED IT!!!!! And best of all, our family could experience this adventure together!

A similar episode happened when my 20 year old daughter wanted our family to go nighttime snorkeling with these 14 feet manta rays in the dark. I have never been so afraid and so in awe!!!!!!!! These incredible sea creatures moved like ballerinas in the night ocean. Floating on the surface of the ocean waters, underneath a moonlit and twinkling stars, I gazed in awe at these beautiful and monstrous living creatures and as they brushed their bodies up against mine, I felt my fear dissolve into love. It took the courage of my daughter to pave the way for our family to move past their fears and experience an unforgettable life moment together…..

Turning it over to you:

What would you do if you had no fear?
What is fear holding you back in life?
How do you experience fear?
How might fear help grow you in life?

What 2-3 things that you really want to have happen in your life that haven’t yet?

Tips and tools to hopefully help you:

1. Notice the feelings of fear and ask yourself, what is on the other side of fear?
2. Talk to yourself reassuringly.
3. Acknowledge the fear and it’s ok to tell others that you are afraid.
4. Find someone to reassure you and to mentor you through the experience.
5. Know that fear is normal, everyone experiences it.
6. Use fear as a sign that you are at the edge of growth and gain.
7. Fear is meant to be uncomfortable, because in the comfortable area is where you stay stagnant.